When you start to teach people about something, it gives you yourself more pressure to be example as well. This is mostly positive thing, because then you start deepen your relationship with the things you are teaching. Often this deepening means that you are thinking what you are teaching learning at the same time from different perspectives.
What I learned this morning about feeling of hurry is this: hurry is just lack of preparation.
This means, if we feel hurry, we have failed to anticipate the stuff we are stressing about presently.
What helps here is to accept the present circumstances and prioritize and think what is truly important, and how important. It’s through prioritization only way that we can live through our commitments and learn to make commitments that are most relevant to us.
Uncertainty makes life difficult. Or life is suffering like the Buddha came to understand.
The ability to accept these and to have a set of thinking skills in the present help to handle almost anything that happens and still live a worthwhile life.
Do not be affected by hurry.
Here are some helpful questions to cope:
- Do I have any problems right now?
- What is the most important priority right now?
- Am I doing my best?
- Is there something I or we can do?
- What would be the first step forward?
- What’s the worst thing that can happen?
- What is positive about this situation?
- Is the worst thing that can happen?
- Is this the end of the world?
- What is the upside?
- How to benefit from this situation?
Have a great evening!
Real events are the best inspiration same goes for today’s writing: it took professional pressures to contemplate again on the worry and pressure.
With worry perhaps the most productive things that pop into my head are the words of Erma Bombeck: “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere”
This reminds to me that all the solutions are in the present. It is in the present we must take real action, real progress and focus our thinking according to the circle of control.
Worry eases when something is in the circle of control. However, when things start to feel out of control, pressure builds up. Especially if there is something that we feel that we should succeed in (or not to fail at least). It’s challenging and saps our energy to start think about it.
Comforting thought is that, if our focus is correct (circle of control) and we do everything we can to the best we can, we have literally done everything we can. And I don’t mean in a self-deceitful way, but in planning what the effort is worth (time, energy, resources) and putting them to the realistic max. If the endeavor still fails, you know you gave it your all. Therefore, if you already at maximum stakes (= what you are willing to lose) failed, take the learning and be grateful that you didn’t lose more. You probably gain something in exchange in any case even if the “big win” didn’t come.
(Image 1, Circle of Control)
Happiness as far as we know it, a sense of control. Although much in life is beyond our control, our minds still love the illusion of control and there are indeed many things we can control. When we focus to that which we can control we are happier.
A simple tool for this, I call it circle of control. Original author is kind of hard to track down, my coach Jari Sarasvuo told me that he had learned this from US professor Jim Lawson. My quick research on Google does not provide much matches with this. Instead like I wrote earlier on Dealing with Excuses it seems Stephen Covey has at least managed to popularize the concept.
In either case, I stand in the shoulders of giants. However, instead of purely relying what was out there, I’ve combined from all my notes this circle of control (image 1), which I feel serves you a lot better than what does the versions I did find on Google image search does.
Idea of this tool is simple: focus your time to the proactive action, to the things you can control and are important. Another great lesson I learned while going through the notes for this model: the internal dialogue of each circle is different. So listen to yourself, don’t you waste your energy on blaming others or even satisfy yourself with explanations that you are not good enough.
For further study about internal dialogue on each levels, I recommend to start with Martin Seligman’s Learned Optimism.
Now since we now, that we should focus on the things we can control, the next challenge is live in the present and our ability to direct our focus.
For most people, what limits us from doing more is the energy, at least in our minds. Is it really energy that we are lacking or is it just a flaw in our thinking?
Work, family, friends and everything else does take a lots of energy. However, it’s not only how we use this energy, it’s also how we are aligned with this everything. In other words how well everything that we are, is supporting that what we want do.
Most of us are misaligned in terms of using our energy. If we were aligned, we wouldn’t waste any energy. This is called effortless action or Wu Wei, originally a Taoist concept. Concept closely related to this that that I often use is natural tendencies. As we get to know ourselves and our natural tendencies we can further develop these intro strengths.
Through mindfulness and especially meditation we can start to weed out natural tendencies that are helpful and mend those that are harmful. Natural tendencies do not need to be behaviors, they can be also thinking patterns, feelings etc. Thinking like worrying often takes up a lot of energy too, so therefore it is important to extend the mindfulness to everything.
Eventually we’ll be able to reach a point where we are in harmony with our environment; everything we do does not feel tiring anymore, because we’ve learned to rest in the action.
Bruce Lee said well “Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.”
I wish for you for every day and strength to deal with these challenges. With this we all can have more choices and freedom to decide for a better future.