I use my personal life as an example often, so I will do today. My relationship status sort of changed to a more complicated as we agreed to have a break. I had sensed something is deeply wrong and I initiated the dialogue to understand is it fixable. In the end we do not have answer, but to go on to our own soul searching for now.
All this happened two weeks ago. It does take a lot of time for me to process everything and only now I’ve realized that his kind of change in my personal life has been biggest and quite sudden in a long time, yet I’ve remained calm and slightly even optimistic, while still processing the change.
There are few close people who I’ve told about this so far and they’ve been rather supportive. What I found interesting is thought that my mom actually guessed that something is wrong after just a few replies over a phone… That’s amazing! Well this observation just proves that the feelings are conveyed in the tone of voice even over phone to those who know you very well.
Sometimes we ourselves are not so aware of feelings, we are not willing to think or talk about them, yet they are obvious to those who we know well.
For me this whole process has been rather positive overall, despite being the one who got sort of put on shelve so to speak. Because I’ve learned that it was more about the relationship than about me.
I remember my self-worth despite the rejections.
Now that I began to write, I also realize that in my professional life I’ve been doing cold calling past two and half years, and I get rejected a lot. I realized that the reason I am still in this kind of environment, sane and loving is the realization that I’ve been able to form healthier thinking habit for rejection.
Healthier thinking habits:
- Rejection is rarely personal. Actually it almost never is and even if it is, I know forgiveness is the way forward. By forgiving, we let go, raise ourselves up and choose to focus on what we can control.
- Accept the life as it is. The only place we can continue the journey is the present moment and there are no alternatives. So whatever comes whatever it’s obstacle or achievement, the mind of a human is ahead.
- Non-violent communication, emphatic, courageous and win-win-win –seeking.
- In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy there is idea that emotions that produce actions are originally thoughts. When you realize this and become aware of your thought -> emotion -> action patterns you can actually take smarter, more objective look on what kind of thoughts you are having, to what kind of emotions and actions they lead to. In the end we are not our thoughts or our emotions. If you are further interested in exploring try Joyable, there is a 7-day free trial.
- Obstacle is the way. Stoicism or Buddhist philosophy has a lot of ideas that are helpful in turning the obstacles as the way. I also wrote about this in Convert Sh*t to Opportunties by Being More Responsible, good often comes from the exact opportunities that are abandoned by others.
Equipped with these, there are only reasons to have more dialogue about things that do not feel right.