Increasing the Odds to Be Understood


“People understand me so poorly that they don’t even understand my complaint about them not understanding me.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

Understanding is difficult, yet it is only so because we are limited in understanding both our context and the recipients context. If we would be able to understand both, then it would be easy to tailor the message and the probability of mutual understanding would increase.

Today I realized, that communication is indeed very difficult. With people who you do not know that well it is even more so.

Knowing people well saves lots of time in work places. So people where there are friends as your colleagues that saves a lots of time in the long run. However, the process to get to know someone that well would be roughly one year.

Misunderstandings cannot be completely avoided. Today I had really difficult time explaining why I am not pursuing masters. There are few deep rooted reasons and most primarily it is the current situation where I can already learn as much as I want and I’ve access not only to knowledge, but interesting real challenges as well through my work. Explaining all this was difficult and then I understood that I should have some thought ready for next time so I can reply quickly and without all the explanation etc.

On personal level at least it would be beneficial to learn to recognize areas which should be explained briefly, maybe interestingly instead of try to cramp everything at once. Even better think those replies beforehand.

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. In essence the human interactions with strangers, acquaintances alike are not that complex! Yesterday I finished the book The Art of Witty Banter by Patrick King and there was indeed very good suggestions on how to prepare the regular conversations.

I often get feedback from the prettier party that my explanations are too long winded. That’s quite natural style for me, however when reflecting upon that habit it also means that the thought has not crystallized very well yet. That which I know very well is very clear.

Writing and editing has thought me to eliminate all the possible extra words, leaving in only the essential. After the fluff, core remains and communicating that core message so that it fits the other person context should be sufficient to be understood.

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